Living and surviving abuse
Living and surviving abuse
My Name is Derek Power and I am a victim and active survivor of clerical childhood sexual abuse.
I first arrived at the Waterford Rape Crises Centre in the summer of 1995 having been referred by a relative. At this point in time I was 25 years of age. I had been raped and abused as a child by a member of the Christian Brothers in the late 1970’s over a two year period when I was of a tender age while a student at a primary school in Waterford City.
In October of 1993 I made my statement to Gardai in Dublin where I lived at that time. My statement to detail the circumstances of my abuse and rape at the hands of this man took over two hours. I spent the following 18 months alone and with the memories and torture of that experience while an investigation was being carried out. In this period I had started to develop anxiety and suffer from depression. I truly felt alone and desperate. I felt I had a voice with no volume.
On visiting the Rape Crises Centre I encountered Ms Sheila Vereker and began my sessions of counselling. From my first day I began to feel an immediate sense of relief for the first time. My relief was given to me by being allowed to talk to someone for the first time about exactly what had occurred to me. This was a service that dealt with my main problem, my childhood abuse. To be able to speak to a person about how I felt about this and its effect on my life. I had encountered psychiatric services around this time but I now had a place and friends where the sole concern was to deal with facing the future as a victim and survivor.
Over the next number of months I began a process for the first time of coming to terms with my hurtful childhood. I had completed my sessions of counselling and was now in a position to begin taking ownership of the events of the past. During that time I visited the centre once a week for a coffee as the investigation was drawing to a close and we were awaiting the decision of The DPP. This decision as with many others did not go in my way or in the way of justice. The Christian Brother had denied all alligations I had made. This became a major set back and once again brought me back to counselling.
Through my second round of counselling I began to gain further strength in my pursuit of the Christian Brother and indeed his order to accept responsibility for his actions. With the help of a wonderful man Garda Sergeant Dennis Barry, a second investigation began. Within a number of months there were 11 victims of Bro Jack Kelly that had come forward. Although I welcomed this with enormous relief I still felt an over whelming fear and apprehension of the legal system and the pending case.
In the following years from 1996 to 1999 my contact with the rape crises centre was regular and frequent. All of the emotions a person could fear came to the fore and these were many. One by one I faced them with Sheila, she helped me look at the matter in a realistic way. Dealing with mental health issues was the toughest. I had to take responsibility for my own actions and make others accountable for theirs, and deal with my past responsibly.
I was extremely fortunate to have had Mr Michael Lanigan (Sols) from Kilkenny who advised me and took the matter as a civil case. As the victim I was not allowed legal representation in the matter of the prosecution. I had made a good friend in Michael and with his legal advice he allowed me to fight unjust issues that arose in the case. In my believe Michael Lanigan was underpaid and over worked and was always their when I needed him.
Finally in 1999 my case came to Circuit Criminal Court in Dublin. On the day I was accompanied by my family and members of the Rape Crises Centre. This day was the culmination of many years having being a victim but more over a day for justice to be given to all the victims of Br Jack Kelly. I learned from Michael Lanigan that this case was being watched all over Ireland and further a field.
My abiding memory is of the two Sheila’s (Vereker & Croke) telling me to centre myself and to acknowledge that it was my right and determination that allowed this case to happen and that this was a day I should feel proud and justified in myself. I stood in that courtroom with my sense of belonging and pride. For once I felt no fear.
Arraigned on 156 charges of child abuse Bro Kelly finally pleaded guilty. I knew on this day that I finally had in me my recovery. I knew that all the process of counselling and therapy had brought me to this point. My strength was the most poignant of my feelings and it was that feeling I was most proud of. I had justified the horrible experience perpetrated against me as a child. And most important I was vindicated.
In all of this I remember my loving family, my solicitor who I have mentioned. I remember the brave Garda Sergeant. I remember WLR for helping open this to the public, in particular Mr Billy McCarthy who opened the issue on his radio show and who always allowed me time to voice any injustice in the long years it took to gain justice. But most of all, I will never forget my life friends at the Rape Crises Centre. Most of all I will never forget my fight to gain justice for my childhood. I had regained my life and I had fought for it and hard. I am here today because of others the assistance in helping me fight.
To all that read this I can only say that life was worth the fight and no person has the right to impede upon that right. In a strange way the fight for this justice helped create a new sense of meaning for me. For this I know that all at the Waterford Rape and Sexual Abuse Centre hold a special place in my life. I pay special thanks to my dear friend Sheila Vereker, to whom I will always be indebted too and to whom I thank with great pride from the bottom of my heart for her dogged believe in me and allowing me to realise it myself.
Derek Power
Castleknock
Dublin
heya Derek i found you to be like an idol to other people for the fact that you spoke out about what had happened to you in the past and that thanks to you slowely but surly other people are standing up to what had happened to them.
i found this to be inspirational that you kept fighting till you found justice. in another way it just shows that if people stand up to big bullys like him that the out come will be alot better and they will be happier then they think. that keeping things like that to themseleves in the long run can stop you from living a normal and happy life
Well done Derek and thank you for your testimony. You have been well served with this counsellor and the Rape Crisis Centre, and not so well by others. Real help seems so thin on the ground. I’m sorry to hear you’re not so well these days. Maybe I can help in some way. Paddy has my details.
Raymond
Well done Derek you had the strenght to get through it, I admire Sheila Vereker she is such a brave woman I have been on courses with her a few years back and she truely is a remarkable lady.
I am touched by your strength. I know you can be happy after pain as impossible as sometimes it may seem. you are such an inspiration. I find it beautiful.Thank You
hi very strong to write this piece
it has brought it all back..i was a young boy in oatlands primary school and was also abused by that vile man…im so glad he went to prision.i never knew about the court case as i would have gone to the police also…thanks for bringing this evil man down
I understand that Siobhan as I’m sure many contributors to this website do. Thanks for taking the time to write. Feel free to do so at anytime.
Hi! Sad though your story is but I have been abused also but I find talking about it sometimes bring it all back, so I tend to block it all out
Dear Ann,
I would like to sincerly thank you for the comments and warm remaks that you left on here for me.
I am sorry that your marriage did not work out and I hope that your ex got some sense of justice from the conviction of Br Kelly.
I wish you all the best for the future and thanks again.
Regards
Derek Power
Hello Derek,
May I just start by congratulating you and wishing you all the best for the future. Your bravery is unbelievable. I also knew Br. Kelly and remember well how admired he was in the Sacred Heart Parish particularly with regard to his involvement with the Choir. You certainly had a battle to fight there and deserve so much credit for taking him on. I married someone who was also a victim of brother Kelly in the same National School. He would be approximately 10 years older than you so Kellys abuse was very extensive indeed. Unfortunately the marriage did not work out due to alcohol and gambling problems. Unfortunately he would not be the sort to stand up to institutions so thank God stronger people like you exist. I remember speaking with one of his school mates many years ago who told me that brother Kelly brought all of the boys to his office but brought my ex husband more often than any of the others. It certainly seems with hindsight that abuse was widespread in that school in the 70’s. I also know that my ex’s mother kept him out of school a lot due to “illness”. I guess that is what had to be done at the time. Ann.
Dear Derek,
I am a volunteer in the South East of this country and your name has come up in a number of conversations surrounding Bro. Jack Kelly. Poignantly, I remember one of the boys saying he would dearly love to meet you. He is currently going through what you have been through and I know he finds it tough. He is attending the WRCC but he is now 41 and only beginning to live. Paddy would know me quite well and has my contact detalis should you wish to talk to this young man. Ever think of workshops? You write so truthfully and eloquently you could certainly reach a wider audience especially amongst the young where, this devious behaviour is still occurring. Just a thought!
Derek you are an empowering & positive individual with a kind heart and to me, the most wonderful friend.
over the years i have been on a journey with you through your fight for justice & peace of mind for yourself- every step of which you never forgot others with no voice- you helped & supported so many people along the way. your story is an inspiration & a tribute to the WRCC, michael lanigan, dennis barry, whom you turned to & received so much from.
may you continue to shine x
nic
Conor,
Many thanks for such kind words. Again I hoped only to say what was true and honest.
Regards
Derek
Derek,
I met you in ’97 – and I only realised later in the years that you were in the middle of dealing with the past when we met. I remember having some conversations with you and after remember feeling that I knew very little about our society.
Worth the fight?: Its not the dog in the fight – its the fight on the dog. If it were not for the likes of you and others we would all still all be in the dark.
You have the torch, a beckon that highlights where we are as a society, where we were and, hopefully, which direction we will take.
In my very humble opinion, torch is in a very safe pair of hands, thankfully.
C
I would like to thank all who have commented and left such kind messages. I wrote the piece as a tribute to the WRCC for all their work. they celebrate 25 years this month.
that said thank you very much for the kind comments.
Derek Power
True, Grainne – “That which doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”.
To put it another way, i.e., to be more precise:
That which doesn’t kill your natural human emotions, makes you psychologically more fit to deal with the “macho” emotional cripples who dominate our RC culture!
To put it another way, the less we, as individuals, are psychologically identified with our so-called Christian culture, aka The System – the less we (and our children) are fucked-up by it! In other words, the healthier our environment as children, the healthier (more balanced) we will be as adults.
Its a wonder so many people can still walk around and look as normal as they do in our culture, isn’t it? Perhaps they are just acting? But for whose benefit, I wonder?
QUOTE:””I felt I had a voice with no volume.”” QUOTE
What a telling phrase!
I remember ‘articulating’ about my abuse to a TD in the early 70s and MY voice had little volume. And this TD had taken on the might of the British Empire and won some kind of victory, yet he was afraid of the Religious Orders! Were they THAT powerful? YES! And anyone speaking out against them was either very brave or very foolish … !
Derek has shown his courage here and acknowledged those people in the background who are, and remain, unafraid of confronting the obscenities that were part of our childhoods.
Derek you are one of the bravest people i have ever met.
I had to go up against the system myself for different reasons and I know how many brick walls you’ll hit, but you found a way around every wall and you kept fighting and fighting no matter how tired you became until you got the justice you so rightly deserved.
Your a lovely person and i hope that today you live with peace and serenity.
I can only speak for one family from the Park but I know every family would feel the same, but we are so proud of you mate…
What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger eh!!!
Gra
xxxx
Carina Hodgers wrote:
“I hope your story gives others, who remain silent about their abuse, hope and courage to speak out against their perpetrators.”
I would also like to feel that Derek’s story gives hope to others who feel compelled to remain silent about their own traumatic childhood experience. But the fact is, most people who have been robbed of their childhood innocence are, quite frankly, unable to face up to and speak out against their perperators, i.e., the people who violated them as children. At least, that’s been my experience.
Sadly, its a case of either one had a happy childhood (with all the usual hard knocks) or one didn’t. Few of us can make such a claim in a society dominated by religious dogma, such as Catholic Ireland, though many claim so.
The best (most honest) thing we can do is to acknowledge our loss. beginning with the necessary grieving process (if we can) and do our best for the next generation, starting with our own children.
Derek, I admire your courage to face up to your abuser and fight for justice. Your story chillingly conveys the fact that the horrors of rape and sexual abuse reverberate long after the actual abuse occurs. I think the saddest message emanating from your story is the loss of innocence of a young child and the ensuing battle to overcome the betrayal of an authoritative figure. I hope your story gives others, who remain silent about their abuse, hope and courage to speak out against their perpetrators.
“I had to take responsibility for my own actions and make others accountable for theirs, and deal with my past responsibly.”
So says the author of this article.
I’m not too sure I understand what he (Derek Power) means by this. We are, after all, talking a about a child who was violated by and adult. So what responsibility could the violated child possibly have in such an unbalanced situation?
I mean, NO child can defend him or herself against a crazed adult who has total power over him/her.
I think it’s wonderful that you had the courage to face your abuser and get the justice you deserved – Many people never get the opportunity so it is nice to see you thanking the people who gave you the help and support you needed to see it through. I hope that you feel vindicated and take responsbility for the life you have now and share with others as you have done here to let them know they are not alone, no longer have to be a victim, and can take their life back!
Now finally a voice tells it as it truly is.
Thank you Paddy.
Thank you Derek.
This is the truth the world needs to hear- first hand accounts all the way from child abuse to Justice.
May it be the beginning of many more accounts.
Derek, you like Paddy are an inspiration to the world and no doubt have given courage to all those who have not spoken out yet.
What could anyone say to that. Powerful writing and feeling plus the strength to fight for justice not just for himself but to give others hope too..And congratulations to the Rape Crisis Centre for 25 years of wonderful work..